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Unless you have been living on a deserted island with beautiful beaches, amazing sunsets, and all the free drinks you can handle then you know that the economy has been in the dumps for the past several years.  If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you will also know that I work in the mortgage & real estate business which has taken a MAJOR nose dive. AND, you will also know that I  work with/for/at the mercy of my father.

If you are thoroughly confused, read THIS and maybe you should read THIS TOO…

If you just don’t have the patience to catch up on the back story here are the bullet points of information you should know;  1) working with my father has been a struggle, 2) I have been slowly coming out of the closet the past couple of years, 3) I have not yet told my father that I am gay, 4) I have met a wonderful woman with whom I am working toward building a future.

Oh, and there are a few other tidbits of info to share as well;  1) H has accepted a 12 month contract in Canada. 2) We are considering Canada as a place to live – together (but certainly not before that big, ok modest, platinum diamond ring lands on my finger –hahaha — but only mildly joking). Now don’t drop your cookies in your coffee (MOM)! This is a path with many roads to explore before we decide to pave it in yellow brick.  It would be our first choice to have H as a permanent resident in the US but that is not as easy as it sounds. First off, our society is a bit behind the times in regard to giving equals rights to everyone and secondly we don’t exactly allow immigrants into our country so easily, even from the UK one of our biggest allies. It would be really easy if H could get a contract in the US however with the economy in the dump not many companies are spending money on development.  Canada offers us both easy entry AND the same rights as a hetro couple.

Many people do not understand why  either of us would move to such distances to be together. For those that don’t understand I ask, If all your life you had been looking for that special someone not realizing that special someone was completely different from what you had been told you were “supposed” to be looking for and all your life something was missing. Then, you meet someone who took away the loneliness, someone who shared your passions, someone who was willing to compromise as much as you were, someone who complimented your personality, someone who made you laugh, someone who loved adventure as much as you, someone who loved & enjoy your child, after 36 years of being alone wouldn’t you take a risk?

WHOA!!!! That was a major side track….jump back on the train peeps I have a point to this story. The lesson here is I can’t take such a long hiatus between blog posts because all my thoughts are trying to push out the tips of my fingers causing me to spew way too much into one short story.

Anyway, H and I have been very lucky in that her recent contracts have afforded her the opportunity to take a lengthy sabbatical this summer allowing us to spend a lot of uninterrupted time together. Spending time with me means being submerged into my world.

Do you see where I am going with this?

A few weeks ago, the shit hit the fan again at work. Only this time I pushed back. I was once again being questioned about my motives for changing my real estate license over to another broker.  During the hour or two tete-a-tete with daddy warlocks (or is it warbucks??)  we struggled back and forth about the difference between our work relationship and our family relationship. He feels he should know everything about my life – I feel like he only needs to know my life as an employee. He has long been struggling with guilt of being a bad father during my childhood and I suppose I have long been struggling to fully trust him again.

The conversation ended, as it always does, with a semi-understanding of each others point of view mixed with a little bit of confusion about what the other is thinking. I walked away feeling sort of bad for my dad because he so desperately wants to be apart of my world yet I continually keep him just outside my protective dome.

I stepped out for the lunch and when I returned, out of nowhere a storm of “sharing” feelings flooded to the surface. I walked into my dad’s office and announced I thought it was time we had a good father-daughter talk. I felt it was time to share the piece of my life that I have kept secret only from him now. I will never forget the look of hope on his face when he raised his head and said “yes, I would really like that”. As I left the office that day for the weekend he yelled out to me to call him.

That was nearly a month ago. I have not yet called him.

This past weekend, my brother sent out the smoke signals calling the family together for a casual dinner get together. Typically, this includes myself, my son, my mom, and his family unit.  Only this time, my dad and his wife would be joining us and of course I would be bringing H along.

When we walked into the restaurant, my dad asked a few obvious questions of H, like when did she return and how long would she be in town. Dinner was fun.  And, as we were all departing my dads wife lunged into H for hug saying “Well, it was nice to finally meet you”.

WHAT? – Nice to finally meet you? That means there has been some discussion of her and I know those discussions have not been with me!

As soon as we got into the car I began the group discussion of “what to they know?”. Mom instantly said she thinks that my dad must know or is in the process of figuring out my relationship with H. She says H and I interact like a couple even if I think we don’t and that it is so obvious.

No follow-up questions have been asked and I still have not scheduled the father-daughter talk.

Stay tuned…